Patch Picks: Ten Silly Pennsylvania Laws

Every time I drive down I-78 and see the huge Phantom Fireworks sign, I think, “If only…” That’s because, in the state of Pennsylvania, it is illegal for residents to even enter the building, although non-residents can come and go at their leisure, arms packed with sparkling and exploding delights.

Whenever a friend or relative visits from out of state, they ask, “Why can’t I buy beer or wine from the grocery store?” I sigh and explain to them that Pennsylvania is one of three states in the whole country whose government controls the sales of liquor.

Laws are made for a reason, generally to keep people safe or to prevent dangerous circumstances, but sometimes it seems that our legislators may have misplaced their sense of logic. This week’s list is comprised of ten silly, oddly inspired, and in some cases outdated, Pennsylvania laws that are still in regulation today. 

1. Pennsylvania state law dictates that you can catch a fish with your mouth, but no other body parts. A fishing rod is just fine. A net? Sure! But don’t you dare try to catch a fish with your bare hands. If you’re lacking the tackle, you’d better be ready to bob for that bass.

2. It is illegal to discharge a firearm or any kind of explosive at a wedding. This one is just poorly worded. I guess it’s perfectly legal any other time to shoot your gun or light up an M-80… so long as you’re not at a wedding.

3. It is against the law to have more than 16 women living in the same domicile; more than that constitutes a brothel. This is one of those antiquated laws established in days of yore, when furtive brothels were an issue. What I want to know is, what if it’s a convent?

Interesting addendum: it is perfectly legal to have up to 120 men living together in the same house. 

4. A person is not eligible to run for Governor if he or she has participated in a duel. Personally, I think this law is unfair. I mean, who hasn’t had their honor tarnished once or twice? If you want to keep your street cred, you’ve got to throw down the gauntlet and have a gentleman’s duel. Besides, if you’re still alive, chances are you won the duel. That should count for something, right?

5. State law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub. I really don’t know what to say to this one, except that I’m in severe violation of this law. I wonder, is the sentence harsher if you’re off-key?

6. It is illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. Whenever I see the tag on the hairdryer that says, “Do not use in the shower,” I think to myself, that tag is there because someone, somewhere, tried it. Same goes for this law, I suppose.

7. A Pennsylvania cleaning ordinance bans housewives from sweeping dirt under a rug. First of all, that’s just lazy. Secondly, this law was created back in a slightly more misogynistic day. But really, who’s going to know? The Dirt Police? I think we ought to just sweep this one under the rug.

8. Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages if either the bride or groom is intoxicated. I can totally agree with this law. This ain’t Vegas. We’re a classy bunch. We can’t even shoot our guns or blow anything up at a wedding.

9. Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. Once again, this law has to exist because someone gave it a go first. Imagine the set-up: “Hey, Earl, you ever seen a flying fish? Watch this…”

Next they’ll be telling me I can’t go deer-hunting with an M-4. Where’s the line?

10. Any motorist driving country roads at night are to stop every mile, send up a rocket, and wait ten minutes before proceeding. Thankfully, I keep a full supply of rockets in my trunk for this very occasion. The idea behind this law is, back in the old days, roaming livestock would often clutter the back roads at night and the rockets would scare them off.

For the record, this is the actual wording of this law. I think they may need to be a little more specific about “rockets.” I can’t use dynamite on fish, but I can use rockets on cows? Oh, Pennsylvania…