Five Things Happening in December (Other Than Christmas)

Christmas is a selfish holiday.

Between decorating, shopping, planning, baking and celebrating, Christmas pretty much bogarts the entire month of December. Well, not the entire month, but by the time you’ve recovered from the fallout of holiday cheer, it’s suddenly New Year’s Eve.

Yet there’s all kinds of stuff that goes down in December that you probably didn’t know about, since Christmas wedges itself firmly in place before our Thanksgiving turkey is even fully-digested.

So, this week’s Patch Picks is dedicated to the oft-forgotten events, remembrances and memorial days of December:

1. Nobel prizes are awarded on Dec. 10. On this day each year, the greatest minds the world has to offer are awarded prizes in the fields of science, culture and literature. It’s like the Oscars, except the recipients usually aren’t as pretty.

How to celebrate it: First hold a brief moment of silence for Alfred Nobel, since the awards are presented on the anniversary of his death. Then find the award ceremony on TV and enjoy. I hear the King of Sweden is this year’s emcee.

2. Celebrate Monkey Day on Dec. 14. This might be my new favorite holiday. Monkey Day is an unofficial -- yet internationally celebrated -- holiday that encourages... well, acting like a monkey.

How to celebrate it: Throw a monkey costume party, watch King Kong, eat bananas, visit the zoo, put up a poster of Darwin… there’s no right or wrong answer, as long as you don’t do that other thing monkeys are known for. That’s probably illegal.

3. Bill of Rights Day is on Dec. 15. Every year on this day we celebrate those original 10 amendments that were added to our Constitution on Dec. 15, 1791, that give us additional freedoms that are often misconstrued by the general public and members of the NRA.

How to commemorate it: Shoot a gun, exercise your freedoms of religion and speech, and spend a few minutes reflecting on all of the liberties that we as Americans are granted. Then ponder for a few moments how that one about limiting the government’s power got so out of whack.

4. New Year's Eve is on Dec. 31. The last day of the year, the big party. Another year down and another evening spent marveling at the fact that Dick Clark is still kicking. Why we celebrate the last day of the Gregorian calendar, I don't know. It's just going to start all over again. But it's a pretty good excuse to have people over and stay up late and make noise.

How to celebrate it: Make lots of resolutions that you swear you'll start the very next day, then do all of those things to the absolute maximum right up until 11:59 p.m. Then, about 48 hours later, resume doing those very same things anyway. Oh, and watch the ball drop.

5. The end of the world is on Dec. 21, 2012. OK, so this isn’t an every-year-type of holiday, but it’s probably worth marking on the calendar and maybe even taking the day off from work. According to crazy people everywhere (but not the Mayans, or Harold Camping, curiously), the world will end roughly one year and two weeks from now.

How to go out in style: I’m not sure, really. Pray? Spend time with loved ones? Riot? Or maybe just hold your breath for a while, let it out at midnight, and spend all of Dec. 22 ridiculing the paranoid.

But just in case, I’m not buying any Christmas presents next year.