'Bad Teacher' is a Bad Movie

Every now and again, a movie comes along that makes you look twice at an actor whom you had previously, for reasons unknown, thought to be boring/awkward/annoying.

My husband, for example, wanted to smack Justin Bartha in “National Treasure” -- so much so that he nearly refused to watch “The Hangover,” just because he was in it.

Nearly. We did watch it, and he loved, and from that point on he looked at J.B. in a whole new light.

“Bad Teacher” had a similar effect on me. Why? I used to love Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Jason Segal and Phyllis Smith (who plays Phyllis Vance, on “The Office.”) And now, I hate them.

I loathe them for robbing me of two hours of my life that I will never get back. I resent them for signing on to film this worthless, brainless and pointless movie, because seeing them in the well-crafted preview made me think, “Oh, that looks funny.”

Here me now, dear readers: this movie is not funny. It’s bizarre. And it’s not even really about teaching -- much to the disappointment of my friend Nicole, a teacher who accompanied me.

We expected satire, a comedy that explored the dark side of teaching, a topic rarely discussed due to societal taboos. What we got was a vehicle that took competent, likeable actors and jammed them into these roles that are more wooden, one-dimensional caricatures than anything else.

It felt as if I were watching a failed SNL sketch, or perhaps a student’s senior project that he cobbled together in the 48 hours before it was due. I suspect either would be more entertaining than “Bad Teacher.”

At the top of the movie, we meet Cameron Diaz’s character, Elizabeth Halsley, a gold-digger whose loaded fiancé is her ticket out of teaching. When he dumps her for being a heartless be-otch, she slinks back into John Adams Middle School, puts her head down on her desk and tells her students to watch a movie.

She smokes pot, drinks on the job and swears like a sailor. All she truly cares about is earning enough money to pay for a boob job, which she has convinced herself is the key to snagging a sugar daddy, in the form of Justin Timberlake, the school’s new family-moneyed substitute.

The painful one hour and 29 minutes that follow are littered with inane whack-a-doos and a plot that goes nowhere... slowly. With absolutely no redeeming characters or qualities in sight, you will find yourself looking at your watch and waiting for the dismissal bell.

 -F

"Bad Teacher" is playing at at the following times:

• 12:10 p.m., 3:10 p.m., 5:40 p.m., 8 p.m. and 10:45 p.m.